Strangers in the Night

It was fate that that brought us strangers together,

Chance perhaps made us to look into each others' eyes,

Attraction drew us close,

While love sealed the bond.

They say that love makes the world go round

Yes indeed we said

And became each other's world.

The Sun shone on us,

The Moon beamed at us,

The Breeze caressed us softly,

As we walked hand in hand.

Life never seemed so beautiful,

So rich in its fullest glory.

But someone somewhere kindly smiled...

Now we are just two strangers staying together

made apart by the longest bridge of all

Silence....

The silence has frozen our hearts....

Our hearts still keep beating,

But not for each other

Like chimes of the old grandfather clock

And wither away the time.

We have nothing to say to each other now,

Lest the forceful conversations at the dinner table

As we talk about mundane issues like office, children and the maid

It has become less boring, but more tiring.

We never talk about us,

Nor of our celebrated love gone sour

'Coz like our gross salaries minus tax,

Our love has been deducted at the source.

I amuse my Muse

I am not a poet. Let me emphasise that once again. I admire poetry...but never assume or delude myself to be one. But in the last one month or so, I am going through a phase after many years, which has suddenly opened a flood gate and lines and images are running through my mind like wild horses. So finally decided to pen down the thoughts in the exact way as they had occurred. 

I was searching for my muse in you,
But you laughed it off cruelly and left me marooned
On an island with just me and reality as my sole company...

It put across a mirror in front of my face,
Looking inside, I saw death instead
I screamed in fear and the mirror cracked into several pieces
In those pieces I found back my muse once again...

P.S. Name of the poem plagiarised from someone else. 

আবোল তাবোল

হে মহাজীবন,

এখন সত্যি কী লাভ আর কবিতার ?

পূর্ণিমার চাঁদ আজ সূর্যের চেয়েও লাল,

খুনের রঙে রাঙা টুকটুকে।

গদ্যের শুকনো প্রতিবাদ আজ চীনের প্রাচীরে বারবার ধাক্কা খেয়ে 

 ব্যর্থ, অব্যক্ত।

আজ আমরা সবাই রাজা নই,

রাজা প্রজায় আজ বিষম বড় বিভেদ ,

বেদানার দুটো কণা ছুড়ে দিয়ে রাজা বলে,

"চোপ !"

Note: Suddenly I have not become a poet, nor aiming to be one. The current political and economic scenario around the world, especially in India is making me perturbed....these lines are just a reflection of the unsettled mind...inspiration from three literary geniuses has been unabashedly taken.

সমাধান

আমার মা পাগলী  - 

রাস্তায় বেরোলে সবাই বলত 

"ওই দেখ! ওই পাগলী মাটা যাচ্ছে!"

বড় লজ্জা হত, রাগ হত।

বারবার বারণ করতাম 

"এস না আমায় স্কুল নিতে!"

তবুও কোনো কথা না শুনে 

আমার পাগলী মা রোজ 

দাঁড়িয়ে থাকত আমার স্কুলের সামনে।

না দামী শাড়ি পরত , না সাজতো 

কেবল ফ্যালফ্যাল করে 

তাকিয়ে থাকত স্কুলের গেটের সামনে ,

আর আমায়ে দেখতে পেলেই 

এক ছুটে চলে আসত, জড়িয়ে ধরতে।

বন্ধুদের মায়েরা নিজদের মধ্যে 

হাসাহাসি করত দেখে 

বড় অস্বস্থি হত।

মনে হত বলে দিই 

"তুমি চলে যাও! তুমি পাগলী!

আমার মা নয়!"

একদিন সেই পাগলী মা 

আমায় স্কুল থেকে নিতে গিয়ে 

কোন ভুলে দাঁড়িয়ে পড়ল 

এক চলন্ত বাসের সামনে -

আর ফিরে এলো না।

Psychosis Unspecified Part III - 'Wow' continued

I had a dream….hmmm a wonderful dream as far as I could recall….that I was on a holiday and I had no work, no early mornings, no classes..where you can sleep as long as you want, eat as much as you want, laze around as long as you want…it was beautiful…at last I had ‘peace….inner peace’… Suddenly the truant alarm clock rang and woke me up. I saw the time, it was 7.15 am, which meant the running water has just started coming and the daily morning ‘ceremony’  has began. I dismissed the alarm telling myself that it’s not my time yet and I will be up in another 5 minutes.…as I again slipped back to my dream, where I was sleeping…..

All of a sudden, something inside me told me “Wake up, it’s late!” and I hurriedly opened my eyes…I saw the time on the clock. It was 8.05 am, which meant as usually I was  late  and God only knew if the running water was still there or not!!! I opened my door to check out my doubts. The door next to my immediate neighbor also opened at the same time and I saw the insider also curiously checking out the same. When we both realized we are on the same boat, we grinned sheepishly at each other and went back inside the room to prepare for the ceremony. We both had almost finished brushing our teeth, when Chota Einstein came out of the bathroom. We both stared at each other with the intent of a Mexican standoff….we both knew it was our hair wash day, which meant we both needed the most precious water and the sacred  time to do the needful.....we both generally take ‘some’ time to finish our ceremony and most importantly we both were Late!!!

At last I budged in...I still had not ironed my clothes and the OCPD side of me can never go out anywhere without my dress being properly ironed, which meant Disadvantage me!!! I politely told my ‘mate’ “You go. I will go after you. Just fill up my bucket meanwhile.” The ‘mate’ smiled graciously at me and said “Of course…I will be back soon.” By the time she returned back, I was already fidgeting in anxiety…I had exactly 20 minutes in my hand, before the 9 am class begins!! I hurried through the motion, cursing myself under my breath for being late again and promising that next day onward I would definitely wake up early  etc etc..(by the way, promises like these are always meant to be broken). Finally when I had reached the canteen for breakfast, I saw my mate had almost finished the breakfast and we were the sole denizens of that room…which meant the rest must have already left for the class and I was officially going to get coronated as the Princess of Latecoming!!!!

I gobbled the tasteless food with such ferocity that our Mess-wala Bhaiyya even got scared looking at this view and perhaps reconfirmed his suspicion about my diagnosis! As I ran like a sprint runner towards the teaching block, I saw near Manokamna the dreaded white ambassador car with Baba inside. He had already seen me late twice this week and I knew it very well that if he catches me again I will truly be gone to seventh hell!!! So I ran Bolt-speed and reached the teaching block in record time (The Olympic committee was not there, else they would have declared me the fastest human on earth). The class had already started, but thankfully the class was full…which meant I could very easily sneak in unnoticed and took my seat among the back-benchers (i.e, the latecomers). I was still in my transcendental state and after a while when I could not control my disobedient eyelids, I dozed off.

When I woke up the class was almost over. I tried and act like a pseudo-intellectual throughout the rest of the class, taking down all what was been shown on the slides. Nobody could tell that I was sleeping few minutes back, as my unruly hair falling over my face, was protecting my sleeping face from being detected and the right hand was scribbling down something on the notebook in its autopilot mode. Only those who would have been a keen observer would have realized that all that was written was more indecipherable than any lost language.  

After the class got over I started walking towards the ward where I was currently posted. Unlike the rest who rushed to the respective wards or OPD after the class, I was in no hurry. The artistic me was enjoying every sight and sound of the nature around me, while walking...I was almost on the verge of making some poem revering the beauty of nature....as if Mr. Wordswoth's spirit was getting invoked inside me as  "I wandered lonely as a cloud..." when the stupid stray dogs roaming in front of the ward started barking at me and the poetic mood vanished in the thin air. I was going to scold the dogs about their insolence and stupidity, but their remarkable show of the canine teeth, got the better of me and I left the scene as soon as possible, realizing that right now escaping would be the best defense. 

It was our all patient round day...my dreaded day....it meant I had to stand upright on my feet and follow the entourage as we would move from one patient's bed to another, which meant poor me cannot even sleep!!! Added to that was the horrible stink in that dormitory,which acts as a sleep deterrent!! As I was lamenting about my pitiable state, I smelled a nice perfume or a deo nearby....it was coming from my 'mate' who was also posted in that ward. Me and Maggie hair looked at each other....we smiled...we both were thinking the same...and gradually moved near the 'mate' so that we can fight the stinking odor in the room with the use of the fragrance of the 'mate's' deo....she did not look behind....she was too busy explaining ERP to our Consultant who was looking at her with pride. As I basked in that life saving fragrance my mind again diverted to my poetic inward eye and my heart also started dancing with the daffodils, when Mr. Fish brought me down to reality with a big thud. Naye, it was not Mr. Fish himself, but it was our Consultant who started asking us definitions of delusion and overvalued ideas from Mr. Fish's psychopathology book. Aye my friends consider my condition once....here I was.... a fish lover...who would gorge on fish twice everyday since her childhood, forced to read Fish for the last one month instead of eating one....will any definition of delusions and hallucinations allure me...when I myself was having visual hallucinations of seeing dishes of fish in front of me???? Nobody understood... at least our Consultant who himself was a Bong like me did not...so there I was looking blankly as the questions were being bombarded at us. Hence I thought of taking a shield...very slyly I was whispered into the ears of my 'mate'...."Tell me the definition"...My 'mate' did not disappoint me and she also whispered back something in my ear...Aye!!! But she did not consider my ear ailment while doing so...well....errr...I'm little short of hearing in my right ear (actually still undecided about which one is the worse than the other)...and as 'right'ly described it literally fell into the deaf ear....So I again whispered back to her asking her to repeat again. What I did not notice that while we were carrying out the short distance call...our Consultant joined in it, making it a Conference call. I was embarrassed...but put up a brave face acting as if it was just a wrong number dialled. But our Consultant was intelligent enough to catch my bluff and so he directed another question at me, which I had no clue about. I scratched my head hard and finally came up with an answer of my own...I daresay it was particularly innovative...an open ended question itself!!! But aye! He did not appreciate my innovation and after the disastrous end to my innovation one senior chided me for giving 'air and water' (Hawa Pani - courtesy CIP dictionary)...and there went my momentary ambition to follow Mr. Jobs..."Think Different".

I was pretty disappointed at this and was visualizing imaginary dialogues with the then Apple CEO, about how thinking different is not appreciated everywhere, as I started having my ultra ultra rapid cycle of transcendental phase once more. I got alert....in that delicate condition where I was presently, I could not afford to slip back into it...so I looked around me for help. Maggie hair was busy telling some MSE while Sleeping beauty looked as if she was in a much high state than mine in achieving the transcendental phase (actually we both were fierce competitors till the end of 1st year, but she won hands down by the end of 2nd year in this category). So in utter despair I explained the situation to my 'mate' and asked her to poke me as hard as possible...repeatedly with variable interval in between. I guess she had never seen anyone achieving such high state of consciousness while standing...so the first few pokes were soft..more out of curiosity than anything else. But mine was an emergency state...it was no time for trial and error...so I asked her to pinch me harder. She did comply and aye it was indeed hard!!! I mildly screamed...alerted my Consultant once again of some suspicious activity going on under his nose...he directed a question towards me which I half knew...but as they say "fortune favors the brave"...so luckily my 'mate' whispered the rest of the answer into the right ear (in this case the left ear) and I got duly saved. I smiled gratefully at my 'mate' for this and from that moment we stuck up a weird kind of a friendship....She was supposed to poke or pinch me whenever I would pass into the transcendental state of Consciousness and whisper answers into my left ear whenever I would not know any answer during the rounds.....and in return I would save her from lizards of any size whenever they would knowingly or unknowingly venture near her vicinity at any time of the day!!! And thus we pledged ourselves to be 'Bodyguard's of different genre. We continued honoring our pledge even after we were made apart by our 'zaalim' department, as soon as we finished a record 7 months duration of postings together in different wards in the first year. And people have come and gone, but nobody can awake me via pinches and pokes like she did and I guess it is the same for her...(sob, sob)

This 'mate' is none other than my beloved 'Saat saal'...my sole partner in crime during my CIP days when it came to Non Veg food hunting (read eating)...and I know whenever she will eat hot pakodas at 4.30 in the evening, she will surely miss our memorable days.............(can't sob anymore...it's gonna flood soon)

P.S. An appeal to the makers of 'Ek thi Dayaan'...please don't show witches turning into lizards any more...it just reinforced my 'Saat saal's' 'Chipkali phobia'...

ক্যানভাস

  সারাদিন ক্লান্তির পর

ধূসর দিগন্তরেখায়,

পৃথিবীর বুক জুড়ে নেমে আসে 

                        নিঃস্তব্ধ সন্ধ্যা।

মুছে যায় জীবনের সব রঙ 

  নেমে আসে গাঢ় অন্ধকার,

ধীরে ধীরে 

      থেমে যায় হৃদয়ের স্পন্দন।

আলো হারায় পথ 

   রাত্রির অতল গহ্বরে 

  চুপচাপ নিঃসাড় -

                              সাদাকালো ছবি আঁকা হয় 

                       পৃথিবীর ক্যানভাসে।

সেফটিপিন

একটা সেফটিপিন দিয়ে 

নিজেকে সেফ রাখার চেষ্টা করি।

তবুও দুর্বৃত্তদের হাতে 

আব্রু বেআব্রু হয়ে যায়।

সেফটিপিনখানি আর থাকে না সেফ,

আনসেফ হয়ে বারবার আমাকে খোঁচায়।

মানবী

আমাকে তোমাদের মনে পড়ে ?

আমি যে সে, 

যে যুগে যুগে দিয়েছে অগ্নিপরীক্ষা 

বিশ্বাসহীনকে  বিশ্বাস করানোর অক্ষম প্রচেষ্টায় ;

যে জুয়ার দান হয়ে 

লাঞ্ছিত হয়েছে বারবার কোনো সভাঘরে;

অথবা কোনো লোভীর লোলুপতায় 

বাধ্য হয়েছে বেছে নিতে মৃত্যুর অগ্নিগহ্বর ;

যে করেছে কতবার নানাভাবে পার নীলমৃত্যুর পথ

তবুও সে আছে বেঁচে এক চিরন্তন সত্যের মতো ;

আমাকে তোমাদের মনে পড়ে ?

Psychosis Unspecified Part II - The 'Wow'

Wow : A term used to express wonder, amazement, or great pleasure.

It was a normal, dull day at work...almost past noon, but I was still suffering from the Monday morning blues....somehow I can never get over my antipathy towards Mondays from my school days and the saga continues...Suddenly I got a text on my phone.." Hey lets have some coffee at Manokamna ". Those who know me pretty well, they know that when it comes to coffee, I swear by 'Devil's Own' from CCD or when in my 'intellectual' persona would only prefer black coffee from the Indian Coffee House. But at that particular moment, what I really yearned for more than anything else,  just to have a sip of that coffee from Manokamna with my Saat Janam, Saat Saal, Saat Din and of course 15 ka Rishta. Ok the names do sound very filmy, as if straight out of some B grade Bollywood movies...but aye, as the bard has said "what's in a name..." so totally agreeing with Mr. Shakespeare, I would like to state in my defense that these are the names that have been very lovingly given by me to my friends and so don't you dare and make fun of them!!!! Well, why I have given such filmy name...thats a different story...but the real story is how we became the 'Wow'!!!!! (See, I even rhymed it! )

The story begins on the day of my CIP entrance exam...as I had mentioned in the part I, mat puch mujhse aye kabir ke maine kaise yeh exam diya tha...so lets straight come to the end of the examination. The exam was of 1 hour and I finished the exam super fast, as if I was trying to do an advertisement for the Duranto express (btw, it had not started as yet)...or so I had thought...I finished the exam 5-10 minutes before the final bell, submitted it and made a dash for the exit, as if I had to go and save the world from some crisis (actually I was horribly hungry and would have started chewing the exam papers if I couldn't get any food at that time). And so while making my mad dash out of the main gate, I saw this girl walking just ahead of me. I was taken aback to be honest!!! I thought I’m super-fast express...but this girl was faster than me!!! Aye!! I was intrigued....Who’s this girl??? But my narcissistic self got the better of me and so I became busy fantasizing what kinds of food I will be having after getting out...ok the nagging doubt was there too, whether I will pass or not, but the over optimistic self just shrugged this doubt off my mind. And so I came out of the main gate, looking for my father who was waiting outside for me. I saw him chatting with another man...i.e., another parent of one of the countless examinees. I just rushed towards him and he asked, “How was your exam?”.... I just blurted it out “It was good..it was very good!!” Honestly at that time, I wanted him to stop asking me questions and just show me the sight of food....so saying “good” seemed to be the best option at that time, to stop any further questioning. I don’t know how I had answered and whether I looked totally confident while making this 'declaration'...but the other parent seemed to be pretty impressed with my answer and told me “Very good beta...you should always remain optimistic like that” ...or something like that...I don’t recall the exact words (culprit my poor episodic memory)...but I felt so proud of myself listening to these words of praise...became pretty impressed with myself  and even for a while deluded myself that my answer was a result of my optimism, not otherwise. And then I noticed that the intriguing girl, don’t know when and how, had quietly slipped beside my Appraiser and was looking at me with such a bewildered look as if she’s looking at something out of the world..Alien type thingy...but of course I never gave it too much importance as I was already engulfed in my new found glory....but don’t know why remembered that girl’s face, more so because of her father.

Scene two: A month later again in CIP, this time sitting inside the office, busy filling up the admission form. I am very bad at filling up forms..they make me very confused between different options and me being the quintessential indecisive  cannot decide what to write and what not to....so as I was busy scratching my head sitting on this sofa (my Dad had refused to help me out this time) I again saw that intriguing girl. My Dad was already busy chatting with her father, as if they are long lost friends...Ram aur Shyam...and I was very disappointed why my Dad has captured my Appraiser..I would have loved to hear some more words of praise from him...and so I kept on thinking about all these things without concentrating on the task in hand, and when I woke up from my reverie, I saw that girl filling up the form with such focused approach as if she’s busy solving ‘How to get rid of Cancer’ type problems!!! Suddenly my Dad came up to me and started cajoling me to go and talk with that girl, as if he wanted to extend that Ram aur Shyam saga into Sita aur Geeta between us. I vehemently disagreed....I could not imagine her in the role of Sita opposite to my Geeta character. With a director’s eye I could not envision her as so..although I could have managed that if I had trained her properly..or so I thought..But Naye! Compromise with my vision! Never!!! So I did not budge in. But my father changed his tactics and came down to commanding in that very tone, which I’m still very afraid of..so I thought “Fine! Whatever!”...they say you should always obey your parents...so as a mark of reverence towards my father I went up to her and asked her some silly questions regarding the admission form. What I had not noticed that in the mean while her father was also trying out the same tactics with her, and so unwillingly we both started gingerly conversing each other in such a way as if somebody has forced us to gulp hemlock!!! Never mind...both the fathers seemed quite satisfied at this half-hearted attempt and we bade each other farewell formally, before leaving for each other’s destinations. Who would have imagined that this same intriguing girl would one day become my ‘Saat din’ and would acknowledge that I’m the biggest influence in her life and how she’s indebted to me....blah...blah...blah....Okay the latter she hasn’t officially done yet...but one day she’d,  I’m quite sure. Truth is, without her ‘Kissa Saat Rishton ka’ won’t have been possible and the ‘Wow’ would have never happened.

But what is this ‘Wow’ and ‘Kissa Saat Rishton ka’????? Hmmmm....now that is an interesting question...well I will ensure the answer in my own so-called circumstantial style (actually mine isn't circumstantiality, it’s prolixity...my critics term it as this...but as I already said “What’s in a name..”, so I don't really mind being called so).

So picture abhi baki hai mere dost....Wait for the next part (I’m behaving as if everybody is eagerly waiting for the next part..as if I write ‘literary master pieces’!!!)...till then Adios Amigos!!!

P.S. This part is dedicated to my amigo 'Saat Din' who loves reading and listening to my stories :)

Humiliated and Insulted

Naye, this post is not any critical appreciation of Dostoevsky's famous novel....to be precise nowhere near the context of the novel. Then what is it?......Well it's just an expression of a personal feeling. Being a moody person, I do experience different shades of emotions, but right now what I feel is truly 'Humiliated and Insulted'. 

Don't get me wrong. Nobody has insulted or humiliated me today. I had a good night's sleep, woke up late, had my breakfast, read the newspapers for an hour, roamed around the house lazily. So a perfect start for the day, according to me. It's just when I switched on the T.V and started seeing the national news, in a few seconds, my perfect morning became a distant dream and I started feeling what is the subject of this post. 

So what was there in the news channel? Well I'm not a celebrity that any news channel would cover any silly stories about me. Honestly I'm only known to my kins, friends and perhaps my teachers. So it was no news featuring me, then why did I started feeling like this? Is my mood swings becoming vulnerable to sudden bursts of emotions and I should be on some mood stabilizers to control it? Naye. Then what???

Well the first thing I saw on the news channel was the gruesome, horrendous and disgusting to the ultimate core video of a teen age girl being molested in full public view, in front of the camera, by some 20 odd people in Guwahati. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. If the television had been on mute, I would have even dared to think it's some stupid scene from a 90's Bollywood movie, where these scenes were pretty prevalent. But no, not at all. It was happening in reality!! I don't want to explain in details what happened, but all I can say that these men (or shall I call them animals) were of different ages 20s - late 30s. They were literally smiling, laughing, making fun of the whole situation, showing their faces brazenly in front of the camera, even forcing the poor girl to show her face as they were 'enjoying' the act of robbing the girl of her modesty. It seemed as if they were pretty proud of what they were doing, such 'brave hearts' that the presence of media even did not detour them from their goal!! Forget about why the by-standers did not do anything, or the role of the police.....we are having debates on these issues for such a long time, no change so far. But to see these men doing this shameless, inhuman act on camera was enough to make my blood get cold in fear. 

The first thought that came to my mind was "What if I was the girl?", and then I thought "Thank God, I am not." Instead of feeling relieved that this has not happened with me, I was soon overcome with a sense of fear....fear of going outside my home alone at night or returning alone from work at night. And suddenly another strong emotion grabbed me....Anger, murderous rage!!! I wanted to kill these men or at least see men like them hanged!!! Forget about saying "Inke ghar pe Ma, Bahen nahi hai kya?".....I understood these people don't deserve a maternal care, a sister's warmth, a wife's love even. 

Leave these men from Guwahati. A khap panchayat from UP recently had the audacity of declaring medieval rules and regulations on their women in front of the camera. A so-called rehabilitation centre in West Bengal for the Female Handicaps, instead of providing rehabilitation, provided free pass to any man to 'use' the women inmates for their own 'lustful needs' after sunset. So is this where we have come up to? Is this the condition of the society in the 21st century? Is this how certain groups of 'men' like to treat their women - mere objects, with no rights, no feelings,and no needs??

Sometimes I wonder what happened to people like Raja Rammohan or Ishwarchandra Vidyasagar, the great champions of female rights? If you cannot fight for our rights, atleast don't play with them as if they are playthings! It's not that I have not personally met men who have always treated women respectfully, if not equally. I have and still proudly remember my school days, when if any girl in our group would be teased in the streets, all the boys in the group would literally hurl themselves on that teaser. So 'Ram' and 'Ravana' both coexist in this society. Unfortunately it seems as if that the number of 'Ravana's are more these days.

So what can we do? Should we arm ourselves with pepper spray, take self defense classes or roam around with a 'Bodyguard'? Or should we try and change our attitude? I don't want to convey my judgement here, because there are many intellectuals in the society who supposedly uphold the rules of the society...maybe they should make a call. All I can say that these questions will remain and might even keep on increasing with days, if nothing fruitful is done about it and we women will  keep on feeling in each such instances 'Humiliated and Insulted'.

"...Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my Country awake."

Psychosis unspecified Part I

It's a very hot Sunday afternoon, with nothing to do. The room feels like a furnace and I'm sweating profusely.  I can hear the buzzing sound of the generator from a distance, constantly reminding me that there is no electricity for the last 3 ½  hours and is not showing any sign of coming back any soon. I try to divert my frustrated mind towards the still fan blades, with a magical thinking that if I stare at the fan blades long and hard enough, it might just start moving. And so I keep on looking intensely like a pseudo Neo or Zedi knight, hoping to make them move. Just as I give up and curse loudly, announcing my sense of disbelief, the fan blades start moving gradually with a screeching noise, indicating the 'Magic' (!) has indeed worked and the electricity has finally come back. As I silently thank the 'Force' for this magic, I cannot but help myself predict that the electricity will eventually go away again in sometime during the day. This coming and going of electricity has now become a regular affair in our lives for the past 2 years. Yet whenever it occurs, I react in the same way, with the same intensity as I had done the first time, 2 years back. And this thought suddenly takes me on a ride back to the past and a recap of all the happenings in past 2 years starts projecting inside my brain, revoking some strong and some not so strong memories. But if I have to put down in words, then the real story began much earlier,  about 3 years during my Masters final year. Surprisingly till Masters, I had almost chalked out my future plans - of what I am going to do next, where I am going to be. And maintaining the same, I had already planned by the final days of my PG days that I'm going to do M. Phil from Central Institute of Psychiatry, Kanke, Ranchi. Ok so why CIP, as this place is popularly known, why not from C.U. itself?? Aye, if I need to explain the 'why', then I will have to be little circumstantial,  but I promise sincerely that I'd come back to the main point.

It all started with my first visit to Ranchi in February, 2009. It was an academic trip organized by our Applied Psychology department for training in clinical related issues. At first, we were supposed to go to CIP for a week training, but as they were having some exams, or that's what we were told, they could not arrange for all of our accommodation, so we ended up in having our training from RINPAS - the state run psychiatric institute. Finally when the week was almost over, our teachers finally managed to get permission for visiting CIP for an hour or so. I don't really remember much about it (I've real memory problems - should apply some memory test on self once), but what I do remember is that during the two minutes auto ride from RINPAS to CIP, I could not help but appreciate the beauty of the road - the multitude of tree branches bending together as if to make an archway, the vivid greenery on both sides, the gentle Autumn breeze caressing us,......truly speaking I felt like I'm going to some kinda heaven. And as soon as our eyes fell on the green board on which in bold letters the name 'Central Institute of Psychiatry' was written, our hearts were filled with a sense of reverence, because somewhere down the line, we knew that we were standing in front of a remarkable landmark in the history of Psychiatry in our nation. And once inside, as I was walking past the wards towards the Satyanand teaching block, I knew it that yes, this is it. This is the place of dreams...my land of Utopia...this is where I wanted to be. And I had very quietly visualized myself walking down this same road, seeing patients after a year. And Aye!!! I had decided right at that moment that I'm coming for my M.Phil here!!!!

Thus started my preparation for clearing the M.Phil entrance exam here. I was so engrossed into getting here, that I did not study seriously for the C.U M.Phil entrance exam and as a result I did not qualify and hell yeah that got me into lots of shit!!! First got a huge scolding from parents, got a kick in my butt that it's not so easy and that I might be missing on other opportunities if I continue being only serious for CIP. So started an ordeal which was quite painful for me, given the kind of lazy person I am and gingerly I started weighing out the other options too, but deep down I'd pray to get in CIP. Anyways forget about how I prepared or how I gave my CIP exam coz that would be another story, but my 'salvation' came when I saw my name in the list of qualified candidates. I was ecstatic, I felt all my prayers have been answered and immediately I asked my father to cancel the tickets to Bangalore, where I had another entrance exam for NIMHANS. I was in this ecstatic mood even when I went for the interview at CIP. I explained the panel how badly I wanted to be in CIP, did not really care who were sitting, how they were reacting to my Affective psychosis or even when they were laughing. Actually where they found my answers funny or were laughing at me, I am still doubtful, but the Director was so impressed with me, or so I thought, he immediately told me after I finished my monologue, 'Welcome to CIP'. And hence began my journey, but I'd divulge in the details some other day. Till then 'Picture abhi baki hai mere dost!'.................

And there was no one left to speak out for me...

20^th Oct, 2011. India had just nailed the ODI series by a thumping win and we all were looking forward for a 5-0 whitewash. Like every other die-hard Indian Cricket supporters, 7 friends in Amboli restaurant, Mumbai too were busy celebrating the victory. They had just come out of the restaurant, when they heard a drunken man passing lewd comments about the girls in the group. The boys confronted him, protested, slapped him and sent him away. After 15 minutes the drunken man was back with more men who were armed with sickles, knives, stumps and other weapons and attacked the group. 2 of the boys, Keenan and Reuben were badly stabbed, while another boy Avinash was injured. The girls were screaming for help – there were hundreds of by-standers, 2 shops, and one posh restaurant, where they often visited and it was happening on one of the busiest streets of Mumbai, not a secluded place. Yet, not a single hand came to their rescue. While hundreds of eyes witnessed this happen, but all of them preferred to be mute spectators. Both Keenan and Reuben succumbed to their injuries, while the rest were subjected to bear the scar of disbelief and distrust about their own kind. To summarize it, 2 young, precious lives were lost out to brutality, just because they chose to stand up and protest.

Shocked? Disgusted? Shaken? Whatever may be your reaction, let’s not act that surprised!! I mean very often we have read in the newspaper how someone was dying of some illness or due to some accidents in the streets, but nobody came to the rescue……even people preferred to pass by without giving a second glance and finally when our very ‘own’ police arrived, it was all over. For a few days, there would be debates carried on news channels about the apathy of  the people in general…..some politicians would inevitably there, to do the honors. Some politicians would be blaming the government, some the opposition party and it will carry on. There would be few angry protest march held, netizens would vent out their anger in the virtual world, smses would be shared about these atrocities and how stupid all the politicians are, so on and so forth. Give it a month or so, or if you are more of a skeptical type, a few weeks perhaps and then everyone will ‘Move on’ with their lives, like the famous ad tag line of a commercial company and all these will become archive and gather dust.

Aye! This is the reality my friends and I daresay even I am not infallible from this vice. Even  I at times had chosen to remain mum when words were necessary. Was I afraid to speak my mind? Yes. Was I afraid to get into messy affairs? Yes. Why? Why? As a female, I can tell you this that most of us have faced eve teasing of some sorts once or more than once in our life time and most of the time, we have ignored them, or shamefully remained silent, even while getting disgusted from within.

Why? Why this fear within? Why this apathy within? One of my friends today was telling me that maybe it stems from the Jungian ‘Collective Unconscious’. I don’t know. I really don’t have the answer. I only know one thing, as incidences like these show, you may remain quiet when others are facing the consequences, saying “It’s none of my business.” What will happen when it’s your turn? Will you be able to find helping hands around you, to save you in danger, or like what you too have done - the same kind of treatment would be doled out to you?

Right now I don’t have any answer, or maybe I’ll never get the answer. Today I’m feeling strong emotions, tomorrow when I wake up, I may forget it completely, may be once or twice would be uttering few words of pity for the two lost lives and ‘move on’ with my life. But now in this passionate state I can just express my feelings by the words of German pastor Martin Niemöller, who had said this about the inactivity of German intellectuals following the Nazi rise to power in Germany, which was shared by a senior in our University.

First they came for the Jews

and I did not speak out

because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left

to speak out for me......

Writer's Block

Well I cannot claim to be a writer as such (though I would love to fantasize so).....I just write occasional blog posts (actually 'wrote'...its a thing in the past), Facebook posts...and update my status every alternate  days on Facebook.......so these can be called my only evidences of writing.

Today evening after going through my usual routine of checking my FB account...I thought of visiting my blogs and after checking through my posts and the various comments and the blogs of my friends - specially our group blog 'Straight from the Heart'.....I felt a a sudden tug in my heart...from that of the past 'Me'....the one who used to crave for artistic stimulation....the one who was spontaneous...not afraid to speak her mind.....the one who was a regular Blogger!!! I don't know what has become to her? I mean I don't see her at all!!! And Aye!!! I do miss her a lot........and I certainly do miss blogging.

Blogging for the past 'Me' was a source of Joy, an outlet to channelize thoughts....emotions.....feelings.....a creative outlet.......a way to let others see the world through her own eyes!!!! What happened to her? Why hasn't she been able to write any blog post for more than a year?? I mean it's not that she did not try..she did try once...even wrote a few lines, characterized by her so-called signature humorous, self effacing style...but could not complete the post and it remained as a saved draft in the blogger's dashboard. Is it 'Writer's Block' or something like that???

And then after lamenting over the past 'Me', I came to realize that this present 'Me' has actually lost her main characteristic....spontaneity...... Previously when thoughts would come to her mind, she would try and type them down as soon as possible....just as the way they came...never trying to decorate with too many intricate word works (thats actually due to lack of good bank of vocabulary!).....just straight from the heart...bilkul dilse!!!!

Thus whenever I would get the urge to write something...I would not do that in the pretense of organizing it into a better whole...then would give excuse that don't have the time to write...never mind the several hours I waste in checking Facebook and other social networking sites.... and the best excuse would be to blame it on my hectic days in CIP...as if I never have had any leisurely time for indulging into my hobbies!!!!

So enough of excuses... enough of lamentation..... I'm really looking forward to revive the past 'Me'.....to get back that old joy of writing....let it be silly and stupid enough....but none the less satisfying to the core......So cheers to the future :)

Scrambled thoughts....

I know that you have all heard about the term 'scrambled eggs' (it's delicious too), but don't know if you have ever tried to associate thoughts with it....aye! I don't know what am I blabbering about...coz well....my thoughts are really scrambled today!!! Ok, so why has this situation arrived??? Hmmm....because I'm leaving today for Ranchi for my M.Phil in the Central institute of Psychiatry. I had been dreaming of this for years...this is more like my dream has come true...and yet I feel so depressed!!!! I should be happy, excited.....but I'm feeling as if I'm leaving my country, my people and going to North Pole!!!! Ok maybe I'm overreacting...maybe I'm being emotionally vulnerable that's why I'm behaving like this. My dad is constantly telling me that" Beta, you have made your own decision. Now you have to bear the effects."...I understand all these philosophical notions, but somehow self doubt is creeping in within me....what if whatever decision I had taken is not good for me...will I be able to adjust to hostel life (with just 1 hour or less time of running water supply through out the day, 8.30 am classes), what about the studies??? Am I intelligent enough to understand everything...will I be a good psychologist??? My goodness!!!So many questions and I seem out of answers!!!!

Anyways, I won't keep on blabbering ...I would end now.Already I'm feeling like a bipolar patient (right now suffering from depression!!)...I might end up as a patient there!!!

Ciao and I will let everyone know how's life going on there.

'Wake Up Sid'......

Somehow I don't understand today's politics very well. I mean somehow the political science that I have had in my +10 syllabus, the concepts that we were taught...today's political concepts don't seem follow the definitions written in the books, or quoted by our teachers those days.We used to write for the definition of Government that  a government is of the people...by the people and for the people. The opposition party was there to keep a tab on the running government....how effectively they are working...criticize their faults...showcase those faults to the people and work together with the government too for the well being of the citizens.The Constitutional rights and the fundamental duties mentioned in the Directive Principles were considered as the pillars for the democracy.


But aye!!!Look at the Dance of Indian Democracy now!!!Show me a government that follows the above definition...show me an opposition party that effectively does its duty rather than just opposing each and every policies taken by the government just for the sake of it!!!Forget about rights and duties, we are not even citizens of India in the eyes of our esteemed politicians...we are mere voters...we are supposed to be shown promises of bright future...and then when the elections are over, we poor voters fade into oblivion!!!!All the fancy promises then disappear like a midsummer's night's dream!!!!Leave aside these 'trivial' matters...we can't even speak out our minds...if you criticize one party....you are branded as the supporter of the other party. A common man cannot even make a not-so-political statement, forget about making a slight political one!!!Once you dare to make one( added to that if you are also a celebrity)...you are treated as if you have done the most heinous crime and you should apologize immediately or face the dire consequences!!!If you don't believe me...just look at the number of apologies that any celebrity is supposed to make for his/her not-so-political comments,  from a Khusboo to a latest Shah Rukh Khan!!! (If celebrities are treated like that you can very well guess what will happen to us commoners, with no strong sources, if we dare to speak our minds anytime!!!)

Sometimes I feel looking at all these incidents that as if we common people don't live nor own this country.......we make a Nation.....but we can't speak no evil against the political parties!Political parties through out the world look down upon "Talibanism".......but this attitude here, is nothing less than that!!!!!This is the same as Fascism,Talibanism,where people lose their rights!!!!!


I'm no learned on all these topics, but yes all these make me feel troubled!As a young voter of the Nation it makes me wonder about the real state of our nation.I mean we are the future of the Nation ...if we don't pay any heed to all these things happening throughout the country, if we don't try to rectify all these by the power of our voting rights ( which unfortunately are not exercised by some because of political pressure and others because they were supposedly too busy to vote that day or are too apolitical to even vote!)  ........then its better we stop calling ourselves an Indian.



With the hopes of seeing our Nation as the"Sare Jahan se accha"......................................................

Crushes and Crashes!!! Part I

Definition of crush:

i)To break, pound, or grind (stone or ore, for example) into small fragments or powder  or,

ii)A person you like or love, that that person does not know about

No, no this is no scientific research on the definition of Crush...I just want to direct the attention of my dear readers to the above definition....look at the definition and then you will see how the word Crush is somehow integrally related to a Crash!! Ok, so why am I  hell-bound on proving this relationship......well..errrr......my crushes have usually met with thuds in the end...some loud and some not...but the end result have always been the same!!!! So you can say this is a confession of sorts...of my series of crushes and crashes....

My first crush was unofficially Rishi Kapoor,when I was 5/6 years old...I still don't know whether to call it a crush or not...I just thought he's so cool and handsome when I first watched him dancing to the tune of "Om Shanti Om...."...I don't think I wanted to marry him or something like that, but surely I'd always remain glued to TV screen,whenever he was shown...and dance along with him whenever he would dance.

But my first official crush was Leonardo Di Caprio...actually to be honest 'Jack Dawson' from Titanic. I was in class VII, when Titanic was released and like thousand other girls I officially gave away my heart to the "so cute!' Leo!!!! I bought pictures and posters of Titanic and of Di Caprio wherever I would get them......along with my friends used to act scenes from Titanic and thought that kissing one's hand is so romantic!!! And 'Every night in my dreams', I would "see" and "feel" Leo...and actually believed wholeheartedly that he is going to come to Kolkata and like Jack Dawson would sweep me away from my feet!!!! But alas!! I continued waiting..but he did not come and meanwhile my studies were hampered...I failed in two subjects in my Half yearly exam....and my Mum was furious to the power of infinity....Lets not talk about the scoldings and beatings that I got in front of my friends...but the worst of them all was that she tore away all Leo's posters and pictures which I had being hiding so successfully in my school bag till that day. Nothing made me feel so miserable than this 'cruel' act!!I took solace in the bathroom for 1 hour...cried my heart out....thought that like Rose too, my Jack has been cruelly taken away from me by the 'Zaalim Duniya'!!! That night, when everyone was sleeping, I slowly crept out from my room, took out the torn posters and pictures from the dustbin and the next day when I got some time I glued all the pictures one by one and again hid them in another torn bag. I did not talk to my mother for the next 2 weeks (since I was sent to my Granny's home as a punishment for my horrible exam), and along with my physics teacher in the school, I identified my mum as the biggest villain in my love story.

Later on when other Di Caprio movies were released like 'The Beach' and 'Man in the iron mask', I tried desperately to watch those movies, but somehow I could not manage to watch them (though  I thought he did not look that 'Cute' in the later movies)....also I got to know that he was rather busy dating some Brazilian model or whatever and it broke my 'heart' completely. Slowly with the tide of time I forgot about the torn bag where I had hidden the mended pictures of Leo and oneday I found out Mum had thrown it away coz she found it creepy!!! Somehow I did not feel the same pain that I had felt earlier, somehow I found that  I had grown out of that indomitable 'crush'... ...  Such was my love story....my Crush and the Crash along with it!!!!!

Movies, reviews and I

Movies are my business......no, no...I don't mean I act in movies...nor my Dad is a movie producer..I actually love movies.....my parents tell me that I'm an addict precisely....Yes, I do get involved while watching certain movies....n I do cry at movie theatres shamelessly while watching emotional scenes...but, Naye...I vehemently deny the above allegation...so I'm not guilty, till proved.

If you watch a movie with me at theatre or at home...n sit beside me, my friends (actually my Dad too) would tell you to sit beside me at your own risk...Naye...I definitely don't bite...all I do is (innocently!) pass comments and well...eh....head butt (not like Zidane) n....err.....constantly tug one's arm, or slap one's arm when I get excited (mind you only when I get excited). So watching movies with me is a constant active phase.....if it's a good movie..i.e, I like it...I will head butt, tug /slap your arms more..i.e, all these head butts, tugging and slapping are directly proportional to the quality of the movie!

Another thing that I'm good at (or that's what i guess) related to movies, is reviewing or better criticizing them.....This trait of mine started first with the movie "Yaadein' - starring Hrithik Roshan and Kareena Kapoor. I still remember that day ...it was in the Santoshpur Minibus. Three of us - Sami, Bubu (or was it Moni?) and I...we publicly dissected the movie like how you would dissect a frog in the biology lab!! From how absurd it was to show Hrithik swimming in the ocean with a boat tied on to his back to how could he ride a bicycle hands- free, when the doctor told Kareena that he was in a critical state just moments before that...... we sort of criticized each and every scene of the movie!!! And man! we were actually shouting so loudly in the bus, as if we were discussing a silly thing in our drawing room!!!Believe me.....I daresay, none of the bus passengers who were riding with us in the same bus, watched that movie in their entire life after listening to our review of the Film ;P....So now you know why the movie did such a miserable business!!!!!

Well this is just one instance of my (actually our) movie review sessions..there were and still are quite a few......but I don't want to reveal them all....I don't want the producers of those movies to sue me or slay me ;)....So for the rest...you need to accompany me in one of those sessions...and believe me....you would truly get entertained...till then adios :)

Emosanal Attyachar!

I have become Dev D. Naye , there is no problem like Gender Identity Disorder....but truly I have become Dev D! N my Paro in this case is the huge Part II syllabus which doesn't seem to end!I've tried and I'm still trying , somehow like the other Paros, this Paro also seem to be eluding me big time!

Ok lets start from the beginning......I've my exams starting from this 17th April and I've 5 papers from which the 3 theory papers are going to be held this month...the next 2 on May. Now the problem lies with the theory papers.....I'm still clueless about them the way our Intelligence Department was clueless about the Mumbai attack!Ok now you can ask why am I not studying.Well to be honest I'm trying to study ( which I started from the end week of March), but my mind has got rusted because of the lack of any concrete academic activity...now nothing seems to enter my mind that easily......my condition is more like the bengali saying "Moron kale Harinaam!"

And to add that I'm a mistress of Distraction...not that I distract people very much (except when I'm head-butting someone, while laughing loudly).......I get distracted very easily!My concentration level is totally impaired and any sound Clinical Examiner would have vowed for that (not that my Mum doesn't).......Also when I'm complaining of getting Insomniac....somehow .......anyhow all these symptoms of insomnia vanishes whenever I start studying! I feel like another Rip Van Winkle......n that I can sleep for hours. If Mr. Sigmund Freud would have listened to this, he 'd have said that I'm getting "regressed" or using "escapism" as a defense mechanism.According to my good friend Richa ...these are nothing but symptoms of Exam Phobia...commonly seen in students like me.

Let me tell you another instance.....this Monday I suddenly got late night texts from my friends that our H.O.D has announced that our admit cards would be available from the next day , i.e, Tuesday...so we should collect it immediately. Now usually in University exam, you collect the admit card on the exam date itself.....so this came as a surprise.So we all decided that fine..chalo lets collect the admit cards next day itself. In due time I got ready went to catch the train. I was in the train (after waiting for another 20 mins) when I got this call from my friend Nabu that guess what.........we are not getting our admit cards...we'd get on the 17th itself!!! So you can imagine how pissed I'd have got ......after all making a journey to our Uni...which is quite distant from our home...n that too for not being fruitful...coz of what.......coz of the stupid whims of our old HOD!!!I felt like killing her then....after all if I did not have to make this journey, I'd have easily studied in home.......So I got down at the next station and again returned home. Mine was still all right......but there were several others who had already reached Uni earlier only to return home(of course me being the habitual late comer got little compensation). After I returned home, my dad gave me a good lecture that only an unplanned person like me can do this stupidity! So it pissed me off more! So when my dad left for C.A.B, I turned on the computer and starting listening to the Dev D songs, specially both the versions of 'Emosanal Attyachar' in full volume..........n when my Mum returned home she gave me a good thrashing due to it. I know I deserved it...only mum could not realize that this whimsical act of mine was driven by sheer frustration ....of not being able to concentrate while there was a huge syllabus left to be finished on one hand ....n added to it was the stupidity by our HOD on another hand ( by the way we've diagnosed that she suffers from Dissociative Disorder). I was indeed then feeling like another Dev D....frustrated, heartbroken, hopeless........

So this is my story of Emosonal Attyachar....n the following verses are dedicated both to upcoming exam+huge syllabus and to our HOD........

Tauba tera jalwa, tauba tera pyaar
Tera Emosanal Attyachar!!!!

Me n my insomnia.........

Before anyone gets a wrong idea..I'd like to clarify that no I don't actually suffer from Insomnia....actually I suffer from Hypersomnia (excessive sleep)...n I absolutely love sleeping...n I can actually go to sleep anywhere, anytime.So whats with this Insomnia case?? Ok so this is the latest disorder that I've diagnosed in me(actually it was 1st diagnosed by my mom).......apart from Bipolar Disorder n Somatization of stress......

The problem started with my anxiety regarding submitting my Dissertation conjoined with the fact that my exam starts from April and I've not started studying at all.....for the first time in the dept of Applied Psychology someone will pass in the practical papers and will fail in all the theory papers......so you can well say I'm on the verge of a new record.....and those who know me...they know it very well that I'm very lazy...my condition can be clinically termed as "Attention raised but not sustained"......I'm totally a wacky person who only realizes the seriousness of any problem, when she's neck deep down in it.....ok I know I know I should improve ....but what can I do...I try ...seriously I do...somehow..I guess it's not in me...I can never be hard-working ...even if I try!!!

One thing that is prominently in me is that I get into a nervy situation whenever it's a crunch situation...for me it must be something related to academics.......n exam phobia is a common problem suffered by many...and I'm one of them.

So, on 30th March we were supposed to submit our Dissertation...n from 17th April our final year exam starts...so either you can concentrate on your theory , or you can concentrate on the Dissertation.
N the lazy me ...as usually left most of the work undone...as if somebody else would do the work for me!!!So when the time came I actually needed a miracle......n google became the miracle for me...All I'd do is to search on google on my topic and download stuffs.In the meanwhile, to add the spices, I'd also fight with my sis about 'Who's gonna use the P.C'......usually after 12 am I feel so drowsy that I'd have to rush to bed(except when I'm reading a story book ..it doesn't matter how much late am I getting)....but all these days...even when I felt sleepy ...n went to bed, n shut my eyes, all the things related to my dissertation would dance before me!!!i'd think about what mistakes I might possibly made in my methodology...how to write the last chapter....even what to write in the acknowledgment......Believe me...even when I tried I could not stop the flow of thoughts...n there I would lie awake ...staring at the ceiling......You know what..I even tried Relaxation techniques on me, specially those which are tried on Insomniac patients...but I could not sleep...the 'psychologist' could not even try therapy on herself!!!!And even when I'd finally fall asleep...I'd even dream about my studies and dissertation work.....yes I was completely turning into a wacko!!!

But don't worry...I've finally submitted my dissertation...it means that now I've to only lose sleep about my studies.....so I'm relieved in a way.......But lets see how far this insomnia goes....if I don't get sleep these days...you never know, I might continue writing stupid notes like this!!!Till then................

Beaches and Friendship

A few days back I watched this movie called 'Beaches' starring Bette Midler &Barbara Hershey.It's a very old film (1988).........a tale about the friendship between two women (No Dostana story like John & Abhishek) ........ofcourse it had its share of romantic angles but primarily it was a tale of friendship.To be precise it was the story starts with the odd friendship between a New York child performer CC Bloom and San Fransisco rich kid Hillary who meet in a holiday resort in Atlantic City, & it marks the start of a lifetime friendship between them.While CC becomes a successful stage performer,Hillary becomes a successful lawyer.They face different trials and tribulations in their lives...even breaks up as friends at one point of the time....but as it happens in true friendship they make up.....n try to follow their respective careers with zeal.Finally when Hillary dies because of viral cardio myopathy and CC takes her child Victoria under her care & the movie ends with CC narrating Victoria about the story of how she & Hillary met as children.

The movie apparently is a simple story about friendship,but somehow it had touched me a lot!It reminded me of some of my old friends,with many of whom, I've either lost touch or have fallen out.Somehow, I had forgotten the good memories I've shared with them.....somehow I had forgotten the fun,the tears,the dreams we shared together.....it was almost as if I had repressed them down to my Unconscious or had put them inside a box and cast them away in the Sea!And I feel glad and sad at the same time........Glad of the fact that we have had such great time together and Sad of the fact that somehow most of them did not work out as it seemed it would. So through this, I want to thank all of them with whom I have had the opportunity to share a friendship, be it the old friends or the new ones or altogether the existing ones.Individually, to each one of them I am indebted in some way or the other.And to each I want to say sorry if I've had hurt them in any ways. I'm finishing this post with this beautiful song "Wind beneath my wings" from the movie Beaches sang by Bette Midler.......This is to friendship and each of my Friends.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.